SESSION OBJECTIVE:

Share about an experience when someone failed your expectation.

THE WORD

1. What are roles and expectations?
Roles and expectations are an indispensable part of any relationship. In fact these are what makes up a relationship. We may not openly talk about it, officially agree on it, or even be aware of it, but they surely are there. These are the things expected from each party involved in the relationship.

2. Essential facts about roles and expectations

a. Roles and expectation vary from one relationship to another.
Some relationships do not have a clearly laid list of roles and expectations but only work with a generalized sense of goodwill, like a friend relationship. It is quite loose. Friends do not talk when they should start to be friends, and neither do they agree with a list of expectations. Aside from this, most relationships should have clearly stated expectations.

It is also interesting to notice that even in a husband and wife relationship, roles and expectations may vary.

b. Expectations are not the main factors in a relationship
Many relationships are far from having a clear set of expectations from the other party, yet are satisfactory and happy. This is because the main ingredients of a relationship are met.

c. It prevents conflict
One of the areas of conflict in relationships, whether personal or work related, is the fulfillment of these roles and expectations. This is especially true when the relationship entails so many tasks and responsibilities like marriage.

Many couples battle it out on who should throw the garbage, wash the dishes and clean the baby’s poop. Many children rebel against parents they perceive as domineering. Wives are angry when their husbands do not remember their anniversaries. All of these conflicts are matters pertaining to roles and expectations.

3. How do we communicate roles and expectations?

a. Be reasonable and fair.
There are expectations that are not fair. They are selfish and simply unreasonable. Most of them though, fall under negotiable terms.

b. State them clearly
Couples may have differences in understanding the respective roles of a husband and a wife. Commonly these ideas stem from their own upbringing. When their partners act differently from what they expect, they see them as irresponsible. For example, in your husband’s family the wife works while the husband stays at home. Your husband may find it okay not to work as long as you are working but you see it as gross irresponsibility. Thus it is necessary that couples must clarify these role expectations before marriage so that conflict will be avoided.

4. What are the Christian principles in the area of roles and expectations?

a. Think more of your roles to fill rather than expectations to get.
Many relationships are doomed from the start because parties come with greater concern for what they expect to get than what they can give. A good relationship is not a game of tug of war, it is like a dance where parties know when to give and when to get.

b. Clarifying should be done in the context of love and respect.
A relationship that works on the principle of demand and rights is a doomed relationship. We are in a relationship because we love the other person. So whatever expectations we communicate should always be reasonable and fair.

THE LIFE

Think about your present relationships and what are the roles and expectations that you have.

Identify and write down the wrong roles and expectations in your relationships, such as with your wife/husband, friends, etc. How would you make them right?

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THROUGH SONG

I’m Going to Live

There’ve been times when giving and loving brought pain
And I promise I would never let it happen again
But I found out that loving is well worth the risk
And that even in losing you win

I’m going to live the way he wants me to live
I’m going to give ’till there’s just no more to give
I’m going to love, love ’till there’s just no more love
But I could never, never out-love the Lord.

THROUGH PRAYER

Pray for God to help you identify the right roles you have to fill in all of your relationships. Ask that He gives you a heart for great and sincere relations not of high expectations.